Growth Through Education

HOUSE OF NEW HORIZONS® 

Frequently Asked Questions

Is there a difference between a Dom/me and a Master/Mistress.  I hear lots of people using the two interchangeably, yet in my reading it seems more often than not, that they are different.  __L.D.

I can sympathize with your confusion!  Many people today, DO use the titles interchangeably.  My personal opinion though, is more along the lines of your reading.  Just as there are different levels of submission, there are also different levels of Dominance.  Each person figures out their own needs and abilities. Although the two titles can and do overlap in certain things, in general a Master or Mistress exerts a deeper level of control.  With that is a wider reaching level of responsibilities they have toward their submissive or slave.  Using the purist definition of the terms, a Master/Mistress might own a submissive or a slave, whereas the Dom/me would have a submissive only.  The level of submission a slave gives, requires the acceptance of a higher responsibility level than a Dom/me, by definition accepts.   Another difference that many people believe (as do I) is that anyone who is Dominant in nature, and lives within the boundaries of the D/s-BDSM lifestyle has the right to say “I am a Dom/me”, but the term Master/Mistress is one that is earned through experience and proving oneself.  As an earned title, it is a title given rather than a title one takes for themselves. 

 

What is the best way to meet others in the lifestyle?  I just moved to a new state and am still pretty new in the BDSM world. I have read a lot and talked to people on line, but I think I’m ready to go real time.            

 ___R.J.S.                   

There are two good options for you.  First, you can search for BDSM Groups in your favorite search engine. Just type in BDSM Groups Clubs and insert your city and state.

Another way many have had success with, is to go to any of the big BDSM Personals sites.  Search under your state and contact a few people letting them know you are new in the area and would like to become involved in a munch group.  You’ll not only get information this way, but you might find someone to introduce you around in the local scene.

 

Do I really need a contract?  I hear  a lot of people talking about how useless they are.

____demure

The decision to have a contract or not is something that varies between D/s-BDSM couples.  For every person that says they are worthless, there is another person saying they are an absolute necessity.  That being said, I’ll give you some of my personal thoughts on contracts.

Contracts have both a practical and an emotional purpose.  They are excellent tools for setting out expectations and for noting progress within the relationship.  Emotionally, it gives a deeper meaning to what you are about to undertake as the contract is your written word of honor to making it succeed.  Written to cover a few months at a time, (which is a good idea for new relationships)  it allows room to grow and allows for natural changes that occur with experience.  If the contract is designed with a great deal of thought and communication, it will leave few ‘grey’ areas that could become contentious. 

There are things though, that can make this marvelous tool a hindrance rather than a help.  Be specific about what each expects from the other. Being too vague immediately negates the whole purpose of the contract. For example, rather than saying ‘the submissive shall obey the Dominant in all things’, a way to assure a bit more success would be:   ‘the submissive will follow the rules and training that the Dominant provides.  We cannot hold another responsible for that which we have not told them are their responsibilities.  On the other hand, being too specific is setting ones submissive up for failure, while insuring that you will have to be a 24/7 police officer to insure that all the laid out details are being followed! 

If you use common sense, thought, and communication, it will easy for you, as part of a relationship, to decide if a contract is right for you.  If it is, the same things will help you design one that will work for you.